Is it all worth it?

Ok I’m going to be real now. Is it all worth it? I’m sitting at home alone and thinking. I’m missing all of my friends. I’m listening to songs that remind me of my friends back at home who I continue to love but unfortunately it’s been so long, I know they’ve moved on. I want to pick up the phone and call them or send an email to say how much I still love them, but time has passed and it’s probably just going to be awkward.

I’m reminiscing of old times with my friends that I’ve met along this expat journey. I send them a note. Tell them that I miss them. Tell them how much I appreciated their time with me, even if it was so short. They too have moved on, into another country, dealing with their expat journey.

I’m texting my current friend who I adore but know that one day too, I will most likely have to say goodbye. Every time she says she has news, I catch my breath because she might be telling me she’s moving on and I will have to say goodbye too…

Then today I attended another going away lunch. We made promises to keep in touch and visit each other, should we ever happen to be in the same country again. My Facebook friends are building up but my physical friends are diminishing.

I am so blessed to have met so many wonderful people in my life. They truly stay with me forever but it’s getting to the point where it’s so difficult and I just want to keep still. I want to be bored and share those boring moments with same people who I won’t have to say goodbye to every year or so. I miss the mundane and normal life where nothing really changes. We all grow old together.

I know it’s a far cry from my expat life right now. It feels wrong to feel this way because I am so much in love with this moment. But is it worth it? Is it worth the pain of constantly staying goodbye, trying to stay strong and focusing on the positives? I’m not so sure anymore. Tonight, I’m questioning all of this and have no answers. That is my Expat Housewife dilemma.

2 thoughts on “Is it all worth it?

  1. I hope you are feeling better about this situation! But, sometimes sadness is part of our journey, too. I, too, wish for a more normal, mundane life sometimes, but then I tell myself that anyone can raise kids in the suburbs. Adventurous souls like us must lead unusual lifestyles, for good times and bad.

    Keep your chin up and keep writing! I love your posts.

    Like

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