Have you ever had one of those days, as an expat housewife, where you feel so sad and so low? You desperately want to talk to someone and open up but you don’t because you honestly don’t know who to turn to? I’m having one of those days.
In a city that I have created into my happy home, I have made many friends. In face, I am so blessed to have some very close, tight knit girlfriends who I can turn to. So it’s rare for me to feel this way. But sometimes, when I am feeling incredibly down, like today, I want to talk to someone who I can entirely offload onto without feeling like I am burdening them with my problems. But I don’t know who to turn to. Firstly, I don’t want to interrupt. Everyone is busy with their own life and family. Secondly, I am fearful that I will become “that friend” who is always unhappy and will suck away all of the positive energy. And some problems are so sensitive, that I am afraid that it will be aired out in Expat Land where I am gossip and a talking point for other expat housewives.
But I do long for a deep and genuine conversation with someone. Someone who knows me and understands me without making any judgement. Someone who accepts me as I am and will always be my friend, even if I am not perfect. In a world of expat relationships, this friendship is difficult to find. Only because, the reality is, the relationships are usually new (and short) and the meetings are usually brief. Especially as a mother, they are relationships around playdates and we are trying to sneak in an adult conversation while also juggling our kids, lingering around at our feet. Or they are “couple” relationships where we meet for dinner at a restaurant, with our husbands. Or a group meeting, with other expat housewives, over coffee. And so you rarely get the opportunity to dig deep and really have that long, one on one chat that you sometimes need with a girlfriend, to let out all of your tears and pour your wounded heart out to.
This is the time that I feel terribly homesick and miss my home country because there, we all usually have that one friend who we can talk to about anything. That one friend, who you just need to hear their voice or see their face and you immediately cry and pour your sorrows out because you’ve been bottling it all in for them! That person for me is my sister. But because I am living abroad, and so is she, we are in completely different timezones and it is nearly impossible to catch each other. I am not content with online chatting or texting. I need a good face to face video call, but unfortunately, there’s nobody there to pick it up. And so, tonight, I feel even lonelier and even worse, because I believe that because I am an expat housewife, this itself, is the root of my problem!